Live long and prosper, spawns!

Hay, Paula, Paula Dean...

what did your kid eat for lunch, shuga?

 Mine ate this, swallowed down with their glass of  WATER.

Avacado,  green peppers, tomatoes, green onions
and homegrown alfalfa/chives mixed sprout & pea shoots.
oh and brocolli and cucumbers,spinach and kale... on sprouted toast
& an orange.  

I think I have every right to brag about my perfect humans. I never grew up eating this healthy stuff and look at me. I'm a few pecan pies short of looking like Paula and her hubby. I never want my kids hating their bodies like I did/do mine. Never too late to change (for me) but it's also never too early to start (for my spawns). Sure they love pop but they also pretty much love every single raw vegetable and fruit available. Just gotta know how to mix/cut and prepare it. 

Yay, health. 

Orange you glad...

... that I'm posting something?

Purely accidental but I guess today's theme is orange and brown.

A sweet potato
with cloves, cinnamon
and burnt caramelized  onions.
*foaming at the mouth*
so good.
the end.

deviant plans...

I have to get more 'cardio', as you hip folks say, in.

car·di·okärdēō  

adjective no. no, this is very much a VERB. 

is physical activity (see! verbage words. physical and activity) which raises the heart rate to around 60 to 85 percent (wtf?) of the heart's maximum (does that say maximum?) heart rate for an extended period of time, usually twenty minutes or longer (911 is on hold and please tell my children I loved them)

Dr. Dude, I cant even fathom lifting my feet off the ground so how the (a whole bunch of expletives) am I  going to run, jog, walk, crawl, drag myself down the block or even out of my yard?
I'm going to start taking my pulse when I'm stressed out to the max and pray for a miracle since my brain runs 987,658,991,018 miles a second, it really should be some form of exercise. 

My quick deviant brain tells me other ways to raise my heart rate... I could always try and:

drive towards oncoming traffic

tap dance on a land mine field 

fall down stairs

slap then run from the po-po

trip

give a 4 year old a loaded gun

look at baby animals

lick an electrical outlet

put on pantyhose or wet bathing suit

stab a toaster

hire someone stand behind me and yell Boo! in the dark

have vans with tinted windows drive by slowly

take off pantyhose or wet bathing suit

touch Jarred Hasselhoff... or David

slip in the tub

stub my toe

sit on a washing machine (if it shakes my guts, brain and heart, it's cardio. I said so)

...for 20 minutes a day. 

No, Campbell. This is a vegetable soup.

Ingredients that I used
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 large onion, minced
3 organic carrots, scrubbed and chopped
4 celery stalks, chopped
2 yellow, red and orange peppers (remove seeds & chop)
1/2 head of green cabbage (no matter fancy, savory or reg, chopped)
1 large canned tomatoes (I used the tomatoes that I canned this summer)
1 bunch of organic kale (remove stalk from tip to end, it's too chewy)
1/2 bunch of spinach (trim the stems off, stems make it bitter)
5 or 6 cups of water

use a large heavy pot. brown onions and garlic with a few tablespoons of water. add peppers, celery, carrots, cabbage with a cup of water. Let it cook and wilt a bit. Add the tomatoes and remaining water (depends how strong or weak you like it. I like mine like a chunky stew so I add 4 cups) Add the Kale when water boils and I added the spinach to the bowls right before serving because it looks purty.

You will hate this soup if you are not a vegetable fanatic...Jerrick will only drink the broth, Brian gags at the smell or thought of it and Anya loves the whole thing if I add a teaspoon of nutritional yeast in her bowl. I will mosey up to the store to buy zucchini and squash and add it along with brown rice or barley for dinner. This will last me till tmw, woot!

homemade canker sores

if you dont get canker or cold sores here's how to get a fake one.

Pineapple, kiwi, mango, lemon juice, buddha hand fruit zest, papaya, coconut

Eat slowly, savor it... feel the acid burning your tongue, ding! canker sore :).

nom nom nom

dude...

some good shit (it's kale chips, not weed, man)

So I was sitting here eating chips earlier reading blogs and it dawned on me... doode! How come I never shared this or posted about these kale chips? holy crap these things are so cheap and good!
Kale (it's always cheap this week it's $0.89 a pound, woot)
Simplest thing ever to make.
Wash it, pay dry, rip leaves from the mother stalk, all the way, tip to end, the stem/stalk is super chewy, tough. You dont want to eat that in your chips. If you are frugal like me, I save my good veggie scraps for stock and Kale stalk is so full of flavor.

Anyhoo, here is the recipe for the chips

1 big bunch of fresh kale
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons nutritional yeast (optional, you can add your fun eating junk here)

rip the clean leaves off, put into a big bowl. One tablespoon of olive oil drizzeled in the bowl. I take each leaf and rub it over then place on a baking sheet. The leaves will look shiney, it's not much oil at all. Make sure leaves are not over lapping (i use 3 trays) Then i sprinkle mine with nutritional yeast. I've seen stores make em with parmesan cheese, sea salt, garlic etc but I like mine this way not their way (stick it to the man) Bake at 250 for 25 minutes. I make these all the time. I also save the small crumbs and top it in our air popped corn, egg whites or my homemade (patting myself on my head) yogurt cheese. No butter or salt needed. Da bomb!

God, for real?

I have the willpower of a fucking rusty sieve.

What's the dealio? Exercising sucks, I get it. Being fat is way suckier. Who wants to sound like their grandpa? I miss him but not enough to channel his grunts of despair when getting up off the floor.
I'm still a frugal, meatless, healthy shopper but because of my lack of cardio, not eating enough throughout the day, having one too many beers and loading up on white starchy carbs because I am an addict to potatoes has done ZILCH for this chick. I know what i have to do but I'm such a pansy. I'm such a BLOB of a limp dying pansy, I am a heavy, dead, blob of flower. That is how much of a pansy I am.

Extremely discouraged... this sucks so bad. Wishing I could say I lost 20 pounds or even 10. I hate myself right now. I hope a goat headbutts me right in the gut at such full force it gives me miracle abs. See? Pansy me, always wishing for the easy magical miracles.