I have always loved tater tots. When they are called crowns or rounds or when they are mini, I almost always, almost cry. I love them a little more than the normal person does. Like, the 1st time I ever went to, Dirty Frank's Hot Dog Palace, in my random mind, I remember that I started snapping my fingers while skating backwards in place, while throwing my hand to the skies and shouting "Sonofabitch, vegan wieners and tater tots!" Who does that? Come on that is fantastic! This brilliant Frank (is that even his or her name) guy, dirty of not, has fucking TATER TOTS! God, I miss that place! They're still there and I'm sure they're still amazing. If you have never been there, GO! Their menu will floor you. The side dishes are like, taters - of course, mac and cheese, onion rings, salty pretzels... desserts are Jeni's icecream, Baklavas and they have funnel FRIES, sprinkled with 'sin'omen & sugar, Jesus Mary and Joeseph! They do have those regular pork/chicken/beef, hooves/beak/carcass remains wieners too. Anyhoo, getting out of control here...
I just wanted to talk about taters... taters *clearing my mind* let's talk tater tots, tater talk, we go...
Yesterday, Anya was reading the ingredients/nutrition facts on a bag of frozen taters. The motto in the house now is "if you cant read it, it's full of cancer and chemicals, so throw it away". She looked closer and made a "wtf" face to the bag while reading it... I'm watching her make this wtf face and I'm thinking to myself, well, taters are safe, what's the matter with her? Taters are made from heaven's garden, organically composted with magical unicorn manure & tossed in edible amber glitter chunks. Anya went to throw the whole bag out. Never did I get up so fast and stop her with an "emergency disclaimer". I told her how I have failed her by homeschooling her and that I'm a loser & a liar. I read the bag, hoping that I see words that maybe she doesn't know e.g., unicorn farts, holograms, azure, supermundane...and that i can teach her them now... anything to make the chemical cancer words into mythical magical words. I want, Tater Tots to mean immortality on a cookie sheet. Potatoes, oil, corn flour, dextrose, disodium dihydrogen phyrophosphate, natural flavoring. Okay, I can read 50% of it! Does that count?! The nutritional value is jack shit and the other 50% is really chemically sounding... ew. When I was fighting the urges I realized I was lusting the tots!!! I raise the tots over my head, snap my wrists and in perfect shooting form the tots are in the trash, 2 points. I cant be trusted just eating 10,like the serving size said. I would eat em till belly sticks out and I get sleepy. If it were Jack Sparrow, I would have had 20 rounds with it, against his will. That is how infatuated I get with em. Lust is not real or lasting and you're gonna feel like shit afterwards. Lust feels so good at first but not long term. Lust is an STD or CHF or IBS waiting to happen. I want my cooter, heart and intestines to remain pink and clean. I'm kicking those taters to the curb like i do boys. Sticking to the stuff I can read and the boy I can trust.
speaking of keeping things pink... dead chicken flesh...
No no... that's another post for another day but FYI... I'm quitting the chicken again.
PS- I just re-read my entire post and am concerned at how weird I get when typing and not filtering my thoughts. I lied, i dont care about filtering things.
ppss- I will still eat some garbage when going out such as, chemically vegan burgers, I just wont buy and cook it. I'm too broke to ever go out so garbage intake should be very minimal, plus I save that garbage allowance for real potatoes & Pabst. Pabst has Pegasus stuff in it.
