Velvet Painting of Tater Tots, SOLD!

I have always loved tater tots. When they are called crowns or rounds or when they are mini, I almost always, almost cry. I love them a little more than the normal person does. Like, the 1st time I ever went to, Dirty Frank's Hot Dog Palace, in my random mind, I remember that I started snapping my fingers while skating backwards in place, while throwing my hand to the skies and shouting "Sonofabitch, vegan wieners and tater tots!" Who does that? Come on that is fantastic! This brilliant Frank (is that even his or her name) guy, dirty of not, has fucking TATER TOTS! God, I miss that place! They're still there and I'm sure they're still amazing. If you have never been there, GO! Their menu will floor you. The side dishes are like, taters - of course,  mac and cheese, onion rings, salty pretzels... desserts are Jeni's icecream, Baklavas and they have funnel FRIES, sprinkled with 'sin'omen & sugar, Jesus Mary and Joeseph! They do have those regular pork/chicken/beef, hooves/beak/carcass remains wieners too. Anyhoo, getting out of control here...

 I just wanted to talk about taters... taters *clearing my mind* let's talk tater tots, tater talk, we go...

Yesterday, Anya was reading the ingredients/nutrition facts on a bag of frozen taters. The motto in the house now is "if you cant read it, it's full of cancer and chemicals, so throw it away". She looked closer and made a "wtf" face to the bag while reading it... I'm watching her make this wtf face and I'm thinking to myself, well, taters are safe, what's the matter with her? Taters are made from heaven's garden, organically composted with magical unicorn manure & tossed in edible amber glitter chunks. Anya went to throw the whole bag out. Never did I get up so fast and stop her with an "emergency disclaimer". I told her how I have failed her by homeschooling her and that I'm a loser & a liar. I read the bag, hoping that I see words that maybe she doesn't know e.g., unicorn farts, holograms, azure, supermundane...and that i can teach her them now... anything to make the chemical cancer words into mythical magical words. I want, Tater Tots to mean immortality on a cookie sheet. Potatoes, oil, corn flour, dextrose, disodium dihydrogen phyrophosphate, natural flavoring. Okay, I can read 50% of it! Does that count?! The nutritional value is jack shit and the other 50% is really chemically sounding... ew. When I was fighting the urges I realized I was lusting the tots!!! I raise the tots over my head, snap my wrists and in perfect shooting form the tots are in the trash, 2 points. I cant be trusted just eating 10,like the serving size said. I would eat em till belly sticks out and I get sleepy. If it were Jack Sparrow, I would have had 20 rounds with it, against his will. That is how infatuated I get with em. Lust is not real or lasting and you're gonna feel like shit afterwards. Lust feels so good at first but not long term. Lust is an STD or CHF or IBS waiting to happen. I want my cooter, heart and intestines to remain pink and clean. I'm kicking those taters to the curb like i do boys. Sticking to the stuff I can read and the boy I can trust.
speaking of keeping things pink... dead chicken flesh...
No no... that's another post for another day but FYI... I'm quitting the chicken again.
PS- I just re-read my entire post and am concerned at how weird I get when typing and not filtering my thoughts. I lied, i dont care about filtering things.
ppss- I will still eat some garbage when going out such as, chemically vegan burgers, I just wont buy and cook it. I'm too broke to ever go out so garbage intake should be very minimal, plus I save that garbage allowance for real potatoes & Pabst. Pabst has Pegasus stuff in it.

quotes shmoats

"Go Hard or Go Home!" 

          - every jock & coach alive
umm... Can anyone tell me whats wrong with going home? i love home. This is not very assuring at all

"We're all going to die. The Trick is not to rush it" 

         - MacGyver
*talking dramatically* Should I put down this cup of  melted colby cheese, MacGyver?

"Death is peacful, easy ... life is harder ..." 

          - Bella Swan, that Kristen Stewart chick
Yeah, if you're into kissing dogs & bats. You, no facial muscle having, negative nancy, go eat a sandwich. Get some UV rays, Vitamin D or colored foundation while you're at it. (can you tell I'm not a fan of her?)

"ha ha ha, dying tickles ..." 

          - Ralph Wiggum

I guess that one is good to know *wiping brow*

full of if and or buts

This is not a diet blog. I am not following prayers, powder shakes, "Hi, I'm Ronnie" diet pills. There will be no fat free dressings, freeze dehydrated African berries or any miracle chocolates. This will be slow and boring and that's ok because I am not looking to get into a bikini next week, or even this summer or even... ever. ha! Can you imagine? What if, along with my clumsiness, bouncy go wild boobs and my father's dna/genes that created my trowel/spade/shovel shaped ass, I have no business even dreaming of bikinis. I would be labeled the town perv. 1st, my bottom would drop because I have no ass then my boobs would slide and drop out, one after the other, from bending over. Grown men and children will point, wail and cry, jail is where I go and my kids lives and eyes are ruined. Not taking any chances. no no no never. ew. (Well, unless it's slapping on a loin cloth and bellowing out to the neighborhood, I'd totally do that, fat or not.)

This is just my blog to vent about kicking any bad habits and finding ways to get healthier and hopefully a lot smaller.

I love my spawns, more than I ever, crushed on, or loved my own self. They're the reason that I quit smoking, buy fruits & vegetables and say no to street drugs & gangs. I am not doing enough though. I want to practice what I preach. I cant command them to be the healthiest humans alive and outlive everyone, forever, twice when I'm still unhealthy... BUT this really shouldn't be all that hard since the kids have been raised mostly on a vegetarian diet (up until this year, where we are now eating foul fowls). We eat mostly whole wheat & grain, avoid enriched or white rice and bread. We never eat beef, pork or game meat, of course *retch* Less than a year ago I changed a lot of the processed food habits but we're still using butter, salt mayo and cheese PIZZA for flavor... *sigh* BUT this has proven to be pretty friggin hard.

I gotta come up with some cheers, battle cries, mantras or motto's to keep me going for rest of my days.

(ooh, HEY-LLO*snapping fingers* that's totally my next future post!) 

Getting the big addiction out of the way 1st.

Quitting cigarette smoking didn't give me much to talk about (shocking, I know) so I've decided that I hereby am consecrating all of my shitty habits to this blog, potato & pabst practitioner... 

Let's take a gander of my quitting meth, shall we? 

Day one- I quit smoking cigarettes. Oy, this is hard. *flipping off everyone... even babies* I already hate my once happy life.

Week one - PMSing and extremely homicidal *grunting & swinging at people who smoke to watch them flinch. Babbling random cuss words at old people because they are sooo effin sloooow. Mocking, the stupid happy dogs who bark and wag their tail, with an extreme look of disgust to their owners. "yap. yip. yap. yip yippe ki yay mother fucker, shut your happy dog up"*   

Week two - on my period (yay), so I am still crabby (yay) yet now I proved that I can trigger some sort of Bi-Polarism (yay) because I also cry like a baby (yay). *weakly fist pumping like a new jersyan* No one knows the pain. I literally day dream of jumping up & down on happy thriving people. This is especially true with humans aged between 2-5 years old because they switch on their bi polarism too and I hate it! *frothing hate juice from my mouth*  "are you happy or a sad piece of shit? You know nothing of pain!" then I easily toss the kid 70 miles into the sky.

Week three - I smell and eat everything. nom nom nom. everything tastes so different! I can smell everything too. Trees are scented! Water has a scent. Rain oh glorious rain and sharp cheddar, how wonderful you smell!!! I smell and eat everything! 

Week four - smoking sucks, the end. *bowing*

hand over my heart

I'm not gonna go overboard because I want to keep true to my life mission of being honest.

           The promises that I can promise to promise...

• I will never smoke another fucking cigarette again.

• I will never buy "fat free" anything, unless it's naturally fat free, like saliva, tears or cabbage.

• I will never really buy saliva or tears, I will continue to make those on my own for free. 

• I also will never buy those 100 calories packs of cookies or low fat anything, unless it's naturally low fat like a communion "body of christ" wafer or a quarter of a vegan cookie from pattycakes.

• I wouldn't really buy communion wafers.. wait, yes I would. Those are carbs, I love carbs. Holy carbs, even better! win win.

• I will drink water out of my "comfest" mug several times a day. NOT Pabst Blue Ribbon, several times a day. 

• ^  I will still pee... a lot  ^

• I will probably hate myself a lot and wonder why I am even trying. 

• I will not lie to myself about what I am eating. 

• and I will try my best.