car·di·okärdēō
is physical activity (see! verbage words. physical and activity) which raises the heart rate to around 60 to 85 percent (wtf?) of the heart's maximum (does that say maximum?) heart rate for an extended period of time, usually twenty minutes or longer (911 is on hold and please tell my children I loved them)
Dr. Dude, I cant even fathom lifting my feet off the ground so how the (a whole bunch of expletives) am I going to run, jog, walk, crawl, drag myself down the block or even out of my yard?
I'm going to start taking my pulse when I'm stressed out to the max and pray for a miracle since my brain runs 987,658,991,018 miles a second, it really should be some form of exercise.
I'm going to start taking my pulse when I'm stressed out to the max and pray for a miracle since my brain runs 987,658,991,018 miles a second, it really should be some form of exercise.
My quick deviant brain tells me other ways to raise my heart rate... I could always try and:
drive towards oncoming traffic
tap dance on a land mine field
fall down stairs
slap then run from the po-po
trip
give a 4 year old a loaded gun
look at baby animals
lick an electrical outlet
put on pantyhose or wet bathing suit
stab a toaster
hire someone stand behind me and yell Boo! in the dark
have vans with tinted windows drive by slowly
take off pantyhose or wet bathing suit
touch Jarred Hasselhoff... or David
slip in the tub
stub my toe
sit on a washing machine (if it shakes my guts, brain and heart, it's cardio. I said so)
...for 20 minutes a day.
