keep it real

old school stuff

don't smoke or do drugs

avoid alcohol

drink lots of water

exercise

keep nutrition HIGH & the calories LOW 

so eat your daily servings of fruits and veggies

re-teaching myself daily how important nutrients are

trying to start with 3 to 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily

perhaps one day I'll learn to exercise daily as well

1 cup broccoli, 1 packed cup spinach or trimmed kale

a cup of strawberries and a 1/2 or 1 whole banana

1/2 tbsp hemp seeds or oil (optional of course)

3/4 to 1 cup of your fav milk (i usually use coconut unsweetened but the almond was already chilled)

blend 

drink/chew/eat... enjoy

Live long and prosper, spawns!

Hay, Paula, Paula Dean...

what did your kid eat for lunch, shuga?

 Mine ate this, swallowed down with their glass of  WATER.

Avacado,  green peppers, tomatoes, green onions
and homegrown alfalfa/chives mixed sprout & pea shoots.
oh and brocolli and cucumbers,spinach and kale... on sprouted toast
& an orange.  

I think I have every right to brag about my perfect humans. I never grew up eating this healthy stuff and look at me. I'm a few pecan pies short of looking like Paula and her hubby. I never want my kids hating their bodies like I did/do mine. Never too late to change (for me) but it's also never too early to start (for my spawns). Sure they love pop but they also pretty much love every single raw vegetable and fruit available. Just gotta know how to mix/cut and prepare it. 

Yay, health. 

deviant plans...

I have to get more 'cardio', as you hip folks say, in.

car·di·okärdēō  

adjective no. no, this is very much a VERB. 

is physical activity (see! verbage words. physical and activity) which raises the heart rate to around 60 to 85 percent (wtf?) of the heart's maximum (does that say maximum?) heart rate for an extended period of time, usually twenty minutes or longer (911 is on hold and please tell my children I loved them)

Dr. Dude, I cant even fathom lifting my feet off the ground so how the (a whole bunch of expletives) am I  going to run, jog, walk, crawl, drag myself down the block or even out of my yard?
I'm going to start taking my pulse when I'm stressed out to the max and pray for a miracle since my brain runs 987,658,991,018 miles a second, it really should be some form of exercise. 

My quick deviant brain tells me other ways to raise my heart rate... I could always try and:

drive towards oncoming traffic

tap dance on a land mine field 

fall down stairs

slap then run from the po-po

trip

give a 4 year old a loaded gun

look at baby animals

lick an electrical outlet

put on pantyhose or wet bathing suit

stab a toaster

hire someone stand behind me and yell Boo! in the dark

have vans with tinted windows drive by slowly

take off pantyhose or wet bathing suit

touch Jarred Hasselhoff... or David

slip in the tub

stub my toe

sit on a washing machine (if it shakes my guts, brain and heart, it's cardio. I said so)

...for 20 minutes a day. 

homemade canker sores

if you dont get canker or cold sores here's how to get a fake one.

Pineapple, kiwi, mango, lemon juice, buddha hand fruit zest, papaya, coconut

Eat slowly, savor it... feel the acid burning your tongue, ding! canker sore :).

nom nom nom

being a show off

I am so proud of the dramatic change I did in my kitchen. I was not planning on taking silly pictures of my pantry and fridge but every time I open it now to cook or get a snack musical notes float out of it and I am just so PROUD of myself! Wishing I did a before picture but check out my after...

*singing* "here's my lil ol pantry filled with good shit...

 our lil old fridge filled with fruits mangoes, tomatoes, apples, bananas. Not pictured are my 2 veg drawer with Kale, Red, Green & Boston Lettuce, cucumbers, peppers, green onions, squashs...not to mention my basil, rosemary, chives, sweet leaf (like sugar but not) plants and sprouts. 

 Oh but I bet her freezer is filled with crappy stuff, you say? NOPE!!! Sprouted breads (they were on sale so I stocked up, frozen berries, vegetables and a bag of ice (ice maker is broken)

 i dont mean to brag I'm just so amazed that I can grab anything, look at the box and understand what is in it. every word... no lingo chemical shit. I love it!

New recipe I made that didnt go over well with family (but i like it a lot) is Kale Chips.
Wash and dry one bunch of kale, remove stalk and rib. Cut leaves into 1.5-2 inch squares put in large bowl add just one tablespoon of olive oil, a twist or 2 of sea salt, toss it around till lightly coated. lay them flat & bake at 275 for 20 minutes.
(I used preheated stoneware, it doesn't stick so do what you have to for your dish)
Kale is super healthy in so many ways but the only way the family will eat it is if I cut it into skinny strips to blend  in with red lettuce mixed into salads. Oh well one way or another, at least we get all the kick ass healthy benefits from this bumpy cruciferous veggie. $0.80 plus tbsp of olive oil? I can totally afford this!!

This morning I cut up a Macintosh Apple, spread almond butter on one side, dipped it in my homemade granola and I felt so guilty eating it but it's extremely healthy. The kids love it and even Brian who is hard to please or hand out compliments, made a happy grunting noise. 

My beautiful granola... made with almonds, flax, sunflower, pumpkin seeds, rolled oats, honey, wheat germ, currant berries.

all serious and no humor today.. insomnia blows.

Velvet Painting of Tater Tots, SOLD!

I have always loved tater tots. When they are called crowns or rounds or when they are mini, I almost always, almost cry. I love them a little more than the normal person does. Like, the 1st time I ever went to, Dirty Frank's Hot Dog Palace, in my random mind, I remember that I started snapping my fingers while skating backwards in place, while throwing my hand to the skies and shouting "Sonofabitch, vegan wieners and tater tots!" Who does that? Come on that is fantastic! This brilliant Frank (is that even his or her name) guy, dirty of not, has fucking TATER TOTS! God, I miss that place! They're still there and I'm sure they're still amazing. If you have never been there, GO! Their menu will floor you. The side dishes are like, taters - of course,  mac and cheese, onion rings, salty pretzels... desserts are Jeni's icecream, Baklavas and they have funnel FRIES, sprinkled with 'sin'omen & sugar, Jesus Mary and Joeseph! They do have those regular pork/chicken/beef, hooves/beak/carcass remains wieners too. Anyhoo, getting out of control here...

 I just wanted to talk about taters... taters *clearing my mind* let's talk tater tots, tater talk, we go...

Yesterday, Anya was reading the ingredients/nutrition facts on a bag of frozen taters. The motto in the house now is "if you cant read it, it's full of cancer and chemicals, so throw it away". She looked closer and made a "wtf" face to the bag while reading it... I'm watching her make this wtf face and I'm thinking to myself, well, taters are safe, what's the matter with her? Taters are made from heaven's garden, organically composted with magical unicorn manure & tossed in edible amber glitter chunks. Anya went to throw the whole bag out. Never did I get up so fast and stop her with an "emergency disclaimer". I told her how I have failed her by homeschooling her and that I'm a loser & a liar. I read the bag, hoping that I see words that maybe she doesn't know e.g., unicorn farts, holograms, azure, supermundane...and that i can teach her them now... anything to make the chemical cancer words into mythical magical words. I want, Tater Tots to mean immortality on a cookie sheet. Potatoes, oil, corn flour, dextrose, disodium dihydrogen phyrophosphate, natural flavoring. Okay, I can read 50% of it! Does that count?! The nutritional value is jack shit and the other 50% is really chemically sounding... ew. When I was fighting the urges I realized I was lusting the tots!!! I raise the tots over my head, snap my wrists and in perfect shooting form the tots are in the trash, 2 points. I cant be trusted just eating 10,like the serving size said. I would eat em till belly sticks out and I get sleepy. If it were Jack Sparrow, I would have had 20 rounds with it, against his will. That is how infatuated I get with em. Lust is not real or lasting and you're gonna feel like shit afterwards. Lust feels so good at first but not long term. Lust is an STD or CHF or IBS waiting to happen. I want my cooter, heart and intestines to remain pink and clean. I'm kicking those taters to the curb like i do boys. Sticking to the stuff I can read and the boy I can trust.
speaking of keeping things pink... dead chicken flesh...
No no... that's another post for another day but FYI... I'm quitting the chicken again.
PS- I just re-read my entire post and am concerned at how weird I get when typing and not filtering my thoughts. I lied, i dont care about filtering things.
ppss- I will still eat some garbage when going out such as, chemically vegan burgers, I just wont buy and cook it. I'm too broke to ever go out so garbage intake should be very minimal, plus I save that garbage allowance for real potatoes & Pabst. Pabst has Pegasus stuff in it.

full of if and or buts

This is not a diet blog. I am not following prayers, powder shakes, "Hi, I'm Ronnie" diet pills. There will be no fat free dressings, freeze dehydrated African berries or any miracle chocolates. This will be slow and boring and that's ok because I am not looking to get into a bikini next week, or even this summer or even... ever. ha! Can you imagine? What if, along with my clumsiness, bouncy go wild boobs and my father's dna/genes that created my trowel/spade/shovel shaped ass, I have no business even dreaming of bikinis. I would be labeled the town perv. 1st, my bottom would drop because I have no ass then my boobs would slide and drop out, one after the other, from bending over. Grown men and children will point, wail and cry, jail is where I go and my kids lives and eyes are ruined. Not taking any chances. no no no never. ew. (Well, unless it's slapping on a loin cloth and bellowing out to the neighborhood, I'd totally do that, fat or not.)

This is just my blog to vent about kicking any bad habits and finding ways to get healthier and hopefully a lot smaller.

I love my spawns, more than I ever, crushed on, or loved my own self. They're the reason that I quit smoking, buy fruits & vegetables and say no to street drugs & gangs. I am not doing enough though. I want to practice what I preach. I cant command them to be the healthiest humans alive and outlive everyone, forever, twice when I'm still unhealthy... BUT this really shouldn't be all that hard since the kids have been raised mostly on a vegetarian diet (up until this year, where we are now eating foul fowls). We eat mostly whole wheat & grain, avoid enriched or white rice and bread. We never eat beef, pork or game meat, of course *retch* Less than a year ago I changed a lot of the processed food habits but we're still using butter, salt mayo and cheese PIZZA for flavor... *sigh* BUT this has proven to be pretty friggin hard.

I gotta come up with some cheers, battle cries, mantras or motto's to keep me going for rest of my days.

(ooh, HEY-LLO*snapping fingers* that's totally my next future post!)